Breaking Clear (Full Hearts Series Book 3) Read online

  “I know. You’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a long time now. And you’ve been through so much. It’s bound to take its toll on you.”

  Tears streamed down Harper’s cheeks. “I don’t think I want this anymore. I think I might hate it here. I miss you and the kids and Luc and my dad and . . . and I can’t just quit. I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was strained, her makeup now ruined.

  “Oh, honey, don’t decide anything right now. For now, crawl into bed and get some sleep. Call me as soon as you wake up, before you do anything.”

  “But it’ll be early for you . . .”

  “As soon as you wake up. Immediately. Don’t even get out of bed to go pee,” Megan ordered.

  “Okay, Bossy. I will.”

  * * *

  The next morning Harper lay in bed, numb. She’d had a big cry after she hung up the phone, then had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Now, ten hours later, she woke, feeling anything but refreshed. Her entire body ached, from her head to her toes, and there was a horrible emptiness in her heart where Evan had once resided.

  She picked up her cell and called Megan. “I’m up.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Shitty,” Harper whispered, losing her voice.

  “I know. What’s the first thing you wanted to do when you woke up today?”

  “Come home.”

  “Then come home.”

  “I can’t. He’s there. And I just can’t be next door to him right now.”

  “So stay here until you get your own place. You need to be with people who love you right now.”

  “I can’t. I just took my fucking dream job, remember? Maybe it’ll turn out to be the best way to forget him.”

  “Your first instinct this morning was to come home, Harper. And you meant Boulder, not New York. You need to follow your instincts. If you want to be with Evan and make a life with him, do it. If the only thing that was standing in the way of you two making a life together was your job, then the answer is pretty simple.”

  “It’s not. He doesn’t want to make a life with me. He was really clear about that.”

  “You live on your terms, Harper. You said you wanted to come home. So come home. You’ve got a job and a really wonderful life waiting for you here even without him.”

  Harper let out a loud sob. “You’re right. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want the politics or the backstabbing or the working like a maniac all hours of the day and night. It’s just not worth it for me anymore. I want to be with you guys and my family and have time to read and go for walks and think.”

  “Good for you, honey. You’ve figured out what you want from life. Now, go into the office and tell Blaire thank you, but no thank you. Get on a plane and come home. We’ve got a bedroom here for you until you find your own place.”

  “Oh God, I’m going to have to tell Blaire that I’m bailing on her. It’s going to be so awful.”

  “Then do it this morning. Get it over with. Agree to stay on for a while until she can replace you. Then get the hell home.”

  Thirty-Six

  Boulder, Colorado

  Evan sat at his desk, alone in the trailer. He’d just gotten off the phone with Lacey, who was home with her new baby boy, after calling to ask for her help finding a file. Of course, she knew exactly where it was and was happy to take his call. He could hear the baby cooing in the background as they spoke, and something about that sound brought him a profound sense of loss.

  His mind wandered back to their conversation. “You okay, boss man? Chad said you haven’t been yourself lately.”

  “I’m fine, really. Nothing to worry about. Harper moved back to New York a few weeks ago and it’s just taking me a little time to readjust.”

  “She did? I’m sorry to hear that. You two were so perfect together. I thought maybe she’d change her mind.”

  “She didn’t.”

  “Oh, Evan. Is there any way she’ll come back?”

  “No. I made sure of that.”

  “Well, if she knew you were in love with her and she left anyway, maybe it’s for the best.”

  “Technically . . . Oh, nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

  “Technically what?” Lacey asked. “You never told her, did you?”

  “Not exactly. I knew the deal going in, so I thought it better if I didn’t say anything. It was actually my weird way of protecting her.”

  “You idiot,” Lacey said. “I’m sorry, but you men are dumber than a sack of hammers sometimes. Protecting her from being loved? What about that makes any sense?”

  “It’s complicated, and I really don’t want to—”

  “It’s simple. You two are in love. You’re meant to be together. Now get your cute butt on a plane and go get her.”

  “You do know I’m your boss, right?”

  “I haven’t slept since this baby came and I don’t have any patience for anyone right now, even you.”

  “Or any filter, apparently.”

  “That either. Now get going. Sitting at that desk moping isn’t going to get the love of your life back.”

  After he hung up, he stared out the window, watching the rain streak down in thin rivers, feeling the empty fog that had settled over him. It had been weeks since Harper left and things weren’t getting any easier. So much for no regrets. He’d been dead wrong about that.

  But what was done was done. He couldn’t change it now. Lacey was wrong. She didn’t understand. He’d promised never to ask for more than Harper could give and he wasn’t about to go back on his word. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he’d never promised not to tell her how he felt about her. That had been on the table the entire time, but he’d been too blind to see it. What if he had told her he was in love with her? That he always would be? Would that have changed everything? Could it still?

  * * *

  Harper sat in the cab of the Rent-Haul truck, freezing. Banging on the dashboard, she willed the heat to come on, but of course it didn’t. She glanced up at the sky, hoping the sun would peek out from behind the clouds. One more day and she’d be home. She blew warm air onto her fingers and turned on the radio. The Clash posed the question, Should I stay or should I go?

  “I’m going. And when I get there, I’m staying,” she answered.

  Megan and Luc would put her up until the possession date on her new condo arrived. Boulder was big enough that she could avoid Evan, but not if she was next door. She and Megan had agreed to make their partnership permanent, and Harper would call Monica and go back to work at Fashion Forward. She knew when to visit her dad so she wouldn’t have to see Evan. She was going to have a rich and beautiful life, surrounded by friends and family and important work to fill her days. And even though it hurt to think of him, at least she was free from the fear of losing him that she’d felt when they were together. That had already happened and she was surviving it.

  Her phone rang. It was Megan. “Where are you? I’m getting too excited to wait any longer!”

  “I’ll be there tomorrow night,” Harper answered.

  “Yay! I have your bedroom all ready. How are you feeling?”

  “Good. Except when I think about Blaire. Then I feel pretty guilty.”

  “I know. It’ll take a while, but she’ll get over it. You couldn’t live the rest of your life working at a job you don’t want just because you didn’t want to disappoint her.”

  “No, but she was right. I should have damn well decided before I came back.”

  “Sometimes it’s impossible to know until you’re in a situation,” Megan said.

  “At least now my mind is made up. There’s no way I can go back to Style after leaving this time.”

  “Our gain, totally,” Megan said. “You feel okay with it?”

  “I really do. Right now my biggest complaint, other than what’s-his-name, is that I’m fucking freezing. This truck has no heat.”

  Megan laughed. “Oh God, how about you make this your
last cross-country move?”

  “Deal.”

  A few minutes later, Harper called Monica. “Do you have room for a retired fashion insider?”

  Manhattan, New York

  “Thank you for flying with Jet Away. The weather in New York today is rainy and forty-eight degrees, but we hope you’ll enjoy taking a bite out of the Big Apple anyway.”

  Evan’s knee bounced restlessly as he waited for the plane to land. Once he had made the decision to go find Harper, he could think of nothing else. His heart pounded as the wheels touched the ground, bringing him closer to her than he’d been in weeks. He unbuckled quickly and grabbed his overnight bag.

  Forty-five minutes later, he paid the cab driver and stepped out in front of Style’s head office. She was here. His Harper was here. And he was going to go find her. Taking a deep breath, he walked through the doors to a large reception desk. A young woman in a fitted red-and-black dress smiled up at him. “Third floor. Ask for Billie. But you’re not going to get it. You’re too young.”

  “Pardon me?” Evan asked.

  “Your agent sent you for the silver-fox photo shoot, right? She wasted your time. You don’t even have grey hair, but you might as well go up anyway. They’re doing a rugged-mountain-man thing in a few weeks. Maybe they’ll like you for that. Third floor. Ask for Billie.”

  “I’m not here for a photo shoot. I’m here to see Harper Young,” Evan said.

  The woman gave him a skeptical look. “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No, but I’ll wait.”

  “Okay. Have a seat over there and I’ll see if I can find her.”

  Evan walked over to the window and stood, waiting. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of high heels clicking across the marble floor. He turned with a hopeful expression, but his face fell when he saw it was the woman from the front desk approaching him. “I can’t seem to get a hold of her assistant. She must be in the photo shoot. Can I take a message?”

  Evan nodded. “Sure. I think she must have changed her cell number when she moved back here, so I don’t have it.”

  “I can email or put you through to her line so you can leave a voice mail.”

  “Voice mail would be great.”

  “Voice mail. Maybe you are old enough for the silver-fox shoot,” she said wryly. She walked briskly to the front desk, dialed Harper’s extension and handed the receiver to Evan.

  Evan turned his back on her, hoping for a little privacy as he waited for the beep. “Harper, it’s me. I’ll be in New York for the next two days. I’m staying at the Radisson down the block from your office. Please text me or call when you get this. I need to see you right away.”

  * * *

  The next day, Evan returned to the office early in the morning. A different well-dressed young woman was at the front desk; she blinked at him as he approached. “Can I help you?”

  “Yes. I need to see Harper Young.”

  “Of course. Let me ring her assistant. Your name?”

  “Evan Donovan.”

  She pressed a few buttons on her phone. “Jasmine, there’s a Mr. Evan Donovan here to see Ms. Young.” The woman’s eyes grew wide for a moment. Then she turned her back. He had to strain to hear her. “Well, what do you want me to tell him?” There was a long pause. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry. She’s not in the office today. Her assistant said she’ll pass along the message.”

  Evan’s face was determined. “I’ll wait.”

  “Pardon me?”

  “I’ll wait. She’ll be back eventually.” He walked over to the seating area and made himself comfortable.

  The receptionist called Jasmine back once he was out of earshot. “That man, he says he’ll wait for her. I can’t just let him sit here all day. I have to tell him she’s gone.”

  “You’re going to lose your job if you do,” Jasmine advised her. “Blaire said no one can know she’s gone until her replacement is well established. No one.”

  “So we’re just going to let him sit there? What if he comes back tomorrow?”

  “Tell him she’s in Paris to get ready for Fashion Week. That’ll get rid of him.”

  “Okay.”

  A moment later, the receptionist made her way over to Evan. “I just heard back from her assistant. I’m afraid Ms. Young is in Paris right now for Fashion Week. I misunderstood earlier. I apologize.”

  “Really? That’s what she told you to say?”

  Her expression turned cold at the challenge. “I said it because that’s where she is.”

  “I understand. Thank you.”

  Boulder, Colorado

  Evan poured himself some water and made his way back to his desk in the trailer, heavy-hearted. He’d gone to get her but instead of seeing him, she’d chosen to have people lie to him on her behalf. She couldn’t even be bothered to give him a minute of her time, but he couldn’t really blame her after what he’d said to her. Now he had to face the fact that it was over. All hope was gone. He had reached the part where he would have to forget about her and everything they’d done together and said to each other. He would have to erase her face and her laugh and her smile from his memory. Boots got up from the dog bed next to Evan’s desk and rested his thick head on his lap, staring up at him with sad eyes. “I know. You miss her too. We’re just going to have to get used to life on our own again.”

  Thirty-Seven

  Harper sat on her new couch in her new living room, surrounded by boxes. It was late in the evening and she was alone in her condo for the first time. Her father, Craig, Megan and Luc had spent most of the day helping her move. Craig had lingered until a few minutes ago, more to make sure she was okay than for any other reason. She had learned in the past weeks not to use the word fine if she wanted him to believe she was actually doing well. Today, she had done her best to put on a convincing show of a woman who was happily starting a new chapter of her life. As she sat in the silence now, she doubted that anyone had believed it.

  Checking her watch, she saw that it was already after ten, and just the thought of making her bed seemed like too much for her. Wandering into the kitchen, she washed out her new kettle, then filled it with enough water for one mug of tea and set in on the stove to boil. Megan had brought Harper a gift basket of teas, chocolates and a couple of bottles of wine. Selecting a bag of camomile, she picked up her cell and sent Megan a quick thank-you text, thinking about how full her life really was.

  As Harper poured boiling water into a mug, her mind took its normal detour down Evan Lane, as it did at least a hundred times a day. He’d be at home by now, maybe at his desk working or, if he was tired, in bed reading. She could picture him that way, propped up on two pillows, under the covers, no shirt to hide that hard body of his. She missed that body, even if the person in it had turned out to be so disappointing.

  Bringing her tea along, she made her way down the hall to get her bed ready for its first night of service. She set the mug on the counter in her ensuite, glancing at herself in the mirror as she did. She looked tired. And, to her eyes, old. Standing a few feet back from the mirror, she could pick out every line and see those three grey hairs that had started to emerge again along her part. Normally those hairs would garner a swift reaction from her. She glanced at her make up bag for a second before deciding to leave the dreaded hairs in place. She didn’t have the energy tonight to tweeze them. And what was the point, really? She wasn’t trying to impress anyone these days. She really couldn’t care less if she looked thirty or fifty at the moment. For the first time in her life, she didn’t mind the thought of waking up at age fifty. By then she would have fifteen years between her and the pain she had been feeling since Evan ended their relationship. But she couldn’t speed up time now any more than she could have stopped it when they were first together and everything had seemed so perfect.

  Half an hour later, she turned off the light in the bedroom and found her way to bed in the dark, making a mental note to buy bedside lamps. Snuggling un
der the covers, she moved her pillow to the centre of the bed, stretching out her arms and legs, feeling the cool sheets and the soft mattress under her. This was okay. She could do this. She would take the next few days to get settled in and then find a routine of working, volunteering, going for long walks and reading. Through the window next to her bed, she could see clouds floating slowly past the almost-full moon. She watched them move, willing herself not to cry. This was her fresh start. Right here in her new bed in her new bedroom in her wonderful new condo. She wouldn’t cry. Knowing that Evan wouldn’t be crying himself to sleep helped her set the pain aside. He wasn’t lying in bed heartbroken. He was relieved. And because of that, he didn’t deserve another one of her thoughts.

  * * *

  “That’s beautiful. Just like that,” Harper said from behind the camera lens. “You two are an absolutely gorgeous couple. I can’t wait to see how you’ll look on your wedding day.”

  Patricia, the bride-to-be, beamed at Harper. “Thank you. I just love this location. How did you think of it?”

  “Oh, my partner, Megan, knows all the best places in town. This must be the best staircase in the state though, right?”

  “It is. I had no idea that the university had such great old buildings,” the groom, Will, remarked.

  The bride-to-be rolled her eyes, but her expression revealed pride rather than annoyance. “That’s his subtle way of getting you to ask where he went to school so he can say ‘Harvard.’”

  “What? No. You thought I was . . . ?” He shook his head and then turned to Harper. “Harvard Law, actually. Graduated summa cum laude. No big deal.”

  Harper laughed at their adorable exchange. They were a fun couple and the wedding itself was going to be spectacular. It would be held in one week at the Boulder Country Club in front of three hundred guests. They were doing a last-minute engagement shoot on the insistence of the mother of the bride. Harper was looking forward to the entire event, from the rehearsal dinner on the Friday night to the gift-opening on the Sunday. She would know them very well by then, and it thrilled her to be a part of this special time in their life together. As she said her goodbyes and packed up her camera, she smiled to herself, thinking of them. They were both in their early thirties, well-established in their respective careers, he a lawyer and she a physical therapist. They were old enough and had been together long enough that there wasn’t likely to be a lot of drama to the event.